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LEAP OF FAITH  (to hear the song and view the lyrics to “Leap of Faith”,  click here)

When I was writing for the CD “Leap of Faith” it was with the intention of telling my story. I wrote down the songs I had completed and put them in chronological order. I stared at it, and put a line in between two of the songs – “Here is where I made my leap of faith,” I thought. “I need to write this song next.” I wrote the title down on a sheet of paper and taped it to my wall. Each time I came into my music room for my personal songwriting session, I looked at that piece of paper, and said, “Well, maybe next time.” It took me 3 weeks before I would attempt it, and it made me wonder if I had actually made my leap. When I finally sat down at the piano to write this song, the first verse poured out, and I cried for 20 minutes. Then I went to the 2nd verse, which also poured out, and again the tears came. I completed the third verse in the same way. I didn’t work through the chorus for a couple of weeks. I had to let those verses settle and make sure I wanted the chorus to remain simple.

The song  made me dive deep into what it was to truly let go of the past. It’s basically a ripping away of an old identity. I felt as though I were in a vast, empty space. It was imperative that I found something to anchor me, something that I believed in from the dpeths of my being. And by writing the song, I realized that my one basic truth had always been love. I really, truly believe in love – the unconditional kind that is in everyone and everything. And with that one truth, I was able to rebuild my life, have confidence about my decision-making process (since it’s all based on love) and experience a more meaningful and joyful life. What a gift the songwriting process is for me. I’m eternally grateful.

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FOLLOW MY BROKEN HEART  (to hear the song and read the lyrics for “Follow My Broken Heart”, click here, and go to song #11.)

This was one of the few songs that I have cowritten. I had a songwriting appointment with a friend of mine, Mary Beth Cysewski. I called to confirm that we were meeting, and she confided that she really wasn’t in the mood to sit and write a song. She was more in the mood for taking a walk and hanging out. I agreed, and met her at a beautiful park with walking trails. We started walking, and she started telling me about an idea she had for a song.

She was having some construction done on her kitchen. The pipes behind the sink had been leaking, and they had to tear a hole into the wall. Her daughter noticed that a plaque had fallen from the wall and broke in half. “Look mommy, it’s broken.” Mary Beth followed her daughter’s eyes to the ground and saw the plaque. “Oh,” she said and read aloud, “Follow your ‘broken’ heart.” The sign had originally said ‘Follow your heart,” and Mary Beth’s creative artist filled in where the sign had cracked in half. She decided to bring her hand-held tape recorder and on her way to the park, started singing the melody with the slightly changed words, “Follow MY broken heart…” I instantly loved it, and we walked, singing, playing with ideas for a chorus. Once we had the chorus, I asked her to tell me her thoughts about it. She proceeded to tell me what it triggered for her. She stopped talking, and using her thoughts, I sang the first verse. We recorded it. We continued with our walk, and she told me more about the direction of the song. From her thoughts, I was able to compose two more verses on the spot. I never wrote a song this way before, but it was exhilarating. Walking, talking, singing, and letting the ideas flow. When we finished our walk, we found a pencil and paper and I wrote the lyrics down. I went home with the sheet, figured out the chords at the piano, and composed the bridge. Mary Beth added “courageous tears” to the bridge later, and it was complete.

A few years later, after I recorded the song, I revised the first verse. I changed it to “Lately my mind’s been spinning about, Usually I can figure things out. Sleeping in late, and so uninspired, I’ve got to find out what’s killing my fire…” It made the singer sound less like a victim, and more like one who has temporarily lost their way.

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BELIEVE  (to hear the song and read the lyrics for “Believe”, click here.)

I was talking with a friend on the phone who was explaining to me how he felt like the world was a film and he was an actor. He could play any part he chose. It reminded me of the time Oprah told a guest on her show how her life changed when she observed that life is like a movie, and she could write the script, and play any role she wanted. I understood it. I just didn’t know how to do it.

A few weeks before this conversation, I was wondering how songwriters wrote a song from God’s perspective. Writing God’s voice seemed like a daunting task. I decided I wouldn’t attempt such a song.

I was sitting at my piano when the phone conversation ended. I asked myself what I needed to do, to have that kind of confidence in creating my life. How could I manipulate the “script,” so I could do what I loved (play music), make a good living, and be happy. I began to play, my hands falling on the notes of an introduction. I started to sing, “If I imagine God, and ask Him what I need, I think He’d hold me in His arms, look in my eyes and say to me…”  Once I “imagined God,” the words poured out. It was all being sung from God’s perspective. “You may have your dream, and you can be happy. And you have all the love, even more than you need.” Tears flowed. I knew I was hearing the truth.

I played the song every day, feeling a metamorphosis inside, a slow and beautiful shift in my heart. It was a big piece of my healing.

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TRUST  (to hear the song and view the lyrics to “Trust”, click here)

Whenever I sit down at a piano other than mine, the piano seems to “play a song” for me. I’ve noticed that each piano has its own unique energy, and when I have the time, I like to sit down and ask what it would like to play. This was the case when I played the piano at the studio where I recorded my CD, Paint the Sky Green. I sat down, took a breath, placed my hands on the keys, and immediately started to play the introduction that you hear in the song. I was intrigued. “What is this?” I asked myself. Somehow the pattern of notes pulled me in. I played them over and over. No words came, just a feeling that what was happening was worth paying attention to.

There was something sacred about the song. Unlike other songs I’ve written, I only played it at home when I was alone, and the house was empty. I played the familiar pattern for weeks, until the words slowly started coming out. The house was rarely empty, so it took 5 months for the song to reveal itself. I never pushed it. I only asked what it wanted to say. In the lines, “The bitter tears are gone, No support for sadness, no room for fault…” I didn’t really feel that way at the time. But when the words poured out without thought, I knew this song was a message of healing. And one day, I would arrive at that place of total forgiveness.

The end eluded me for about 2 months. “How does it end?” I asked, each time I sat down at the piano. It was so close, and I guess I could have just called it “done,” but I knew there was something important about to come out, I just couldn’t hear it. Finally, when the answer came, I was stunned. The tears flowed. I didn’t realize that the voice in the chorus was my own.  “If I trust in me, and I promise every day to be right here…If I trust in me, there will never be a place for fear.”  Just two words, made all the difference.

This song has carried me through many times of self-doubt. It’s empowered me with its beautiful message of letting go of the past, and trusting in myself. And I smile big when I sing, “The bitter tears are gone…” because now,  they really are.

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ALONE TIME    (to hear the song and view the lyrics to “Alone Time”, click here)

Alone Time is one of my favorite songs that I’ve written. It was one of those magic moments in which the song poured out of my hands and sang itself. Once I started the melody on the piano, it was about a 20 minute process. I was thinking about my relationship with God, and the words flowed as though they were being sung to me. After it was basically written, I found myself wondering why I wasn’t as moved as I thought I should be. It sounded like a song that would typically move me to tears, but the strong emotion was missing. The charge or “chill” that goes through my body when a song “hits” was also missing. I thought, “what if I sing the song as if God were singing it me?” The moment I started singing, the tears started to flow, the chill went through my body and I was covered in goosebumps. “I love my, alone time, I spend with you…” I felt love surge through my whole being. It still feels that way when I write these words.

The song speaks so universally. Some think of their soulmate, one friend thought I was singing about my relationship to my children. Whatever the case, it’s that universal love that somehow permeates the song. I feel honored and grateful that it happened to come through me.

Read Julie’s Audible Insights and get additional pieces of the story. These one-minute “essays” set to original music have been heard around the world, including New Zealand, India, Europe,  North America and South America. Feel free to post your insights here as well. Your perspective may be a lighted path for someone else who reads it.

THE WEDDING DRESS

When I was younger, I didn’t know anything about manifesting. But something happened to me that showed me it was happening, whether I was aware of it or not. It happened with my wedding dress. I went to the fabric store, looking for ideas. I started to sketch a picture: a drop waistline, uneven hem, backless back, netting in the front. When it was finished, I realized that it was too complicated for me to sew. And it was probably too expensive to have it sewn for me. I tucked the picture away, and had forgotten all about it. A month or two later, I went on tour playing concerts in several different states. I looked for my wedding dress at thrift shops along the way – it was a great adventure. I found a great dress in Missoula, Montana. A friend was with me, and she pulled this dress off the rack and said, “What about this one?” I tried it on, and it fit like a glove, like it was made for me. It was a different color than I imagined, but it was beautiful. I loved it. It wasn’t until several years later, that I found that picture I had drawn. And to my shock, I realized, I had drawn that dress! Amazing.

(Another piece of the story….)
When I went to Missoula, Montana, I played a concert there in a beautiful little theater on a Saturday night. I told my friend about my quest for my wedding dress, and asked if there were any thrift stores in town. She told me they had a great one, and Sunday morning we went to check it out. The store was closed, but my friend insisted that we park the car and look in the windows – she really wanted me to see this store. When we got to the front door, we noticed there were some lights on, and music was playing inside. My friend knocked loudly, and the owner came and opened the door. He had a big smile on his face. My friend told him I was from Nashville, Tennessee and was looking for my wedding dress. I had to leave that afternoon, so it was the only time I could come. He happened to be there doing some inventory, and invited us in. He insisted we stay as long as we’d like, and proceeded to give me a tour of the store. He even took me downstairs where he had a collection of marching band uniforms. What a great shop. You could tell that he really loved it. It was his baby – his work of art.  I came back to the main floor, and less than a minute later, my friend had found the dress. As a side note, the dress was white. I had always envisioned a creme-colored wedding dress. I don’t know why. So when I saw the white dress, I was sure it wasn’t the one. But when I put it on, I noticed the netting in the front, and it fit so perfectly, I decided to get it.  On my wedding day, outside in the beautiful sunshine, the white dress simply stated said “bride”, and it was at that moment, that I was genuinely pleased (and grateful) that I had a white dress. It felt perfect.

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CHOCOLATE
I admit it, I love chocolate. I think it’s delicious. I think it’s fun. I think it tastes good. I used to reach for it quite a bit when I was working a job that I didn’t like. It seemed to pick me up. Several years later, I reached for chocolate one afternoon when I was hungry – just to kind of settle my stomach. I was having a great day, I was really happy. But guess what? After I ate the chocolate, I felt miserable. I felt sad. I felt depressed. “What the heck, what just happened? All I ate was eat a candy bar.” And something struck me. [I said to myself,] “Do you think I’ve created some sort of pattern that my body thinks I eat chocolate I’m sad?” That sounded crazy. But it was so crazy, I had to put it to the test. I decided to stop eating chocolate, and I wasn’t go to eat it again for awhile. I stopped for 4 months. And then when I ate it, I was happy. And after I ate it, I was happy. Now all I have to do, is check myself when I reach for the chocolate. Am I happy? Alright! Let’s have some. If I’m not, don’t have the chocolate. ‘Cuz it will just exacerbate it. So far, so good…

(Another piece of the story)
When I had the experience of being happy, and then eating the candy bar and feeling miserable, I had been working for at least 6 months on consciously raising my joy level. I had been experiencing a sense of lasting joy like I never had before. The contrast from eating the chocolate bar at this point in my life, with how I was feeling prior to the candy bar was huge. Before, I hadn’t noticed that much difference in my emotional level. But working so hard on joy, and then to have it diminished by eating a candy bar, triggered a great reaction. I was shocked at how my mood dipped. I knew it had to be some sort of pattern or programming that my body was responding to. I stayed away from the chocolate and didn’t feel that intense dip. When I finally did eat chocolate, it was a very special birthday cake at a friend’s 50th birthday party. The cake was handmade by a specialty shop, and I was told how much the baker loved making these cakes. I knew there was a lot of love in that cake, and there was a lot of love with the occasion, so I thought it was the perfect time to see if I had broken my body’s program. That cake was some of the best chocolate I had ever had in my life! Not only that, but the caffeine had no affect on me (which usually happens if I eat something like that late at night.) I simply felt great joy.

ARE YOU WORTHY?

We were sitting around the dinner table one night, and we were talking about worthiness. My daughter asked, “How do you know if you really are worthy of something? How do you know if you’re worthy of your gift?” And my husband replied, “I know you’re worthy of your gift. Do you know how I know? Because you have it.” So profound. So simple. I think that’s how it is, though. And if you don’t feel like you’re worthy, even though you have the gift, just do this. Close your eyes, bow your head down, and feel your hand on my shoulder. And by the power invested in me, I pronounce you, from this moment on, worthy.

(Another piece of the story)
I was giving a workshop for a group of women, and the topic was worthiness. Rather than just ‘talk at them,’ I decided to hold a little ceremony, with a slight modification, that I learned from the book, “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind”, by T. Harv Eker. As a birthright, we’re all worthy. No matter what anyone says. But sometimes a little support from another can go a long way. One at a time, I approached each woman, and had her bow her head, put my hand on her shoulder, as if being knighted by the king. and pronounced her worthiness, now and for all time. After their “knighting”, they reached into a small bag that I brought, and chose a token, a special beautiful stone, that they could keep, as a little reminder of their worthiness. It was amazing how moved each of the women were, and how much the beautiful stone meant to them.

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GRANDMA MOSES
Do you know that Grandma Moses, the famous artist, loved to draw the scenes around her when she was young? Whenever she had free time on the farm, she would sit under a tree and draw everything that she saw around her. She loved it. Then when she got older, responsibilities took hold. She didn’t have time for that anymore. But when she retired at the age of 70, from the farm, she started painting again. She said it was easier to paint a picture to thank the postman, than it was to slave over a hot stove and bake a cake. Of course it was easier for her. It’s what she really, really loved to do. She made over 3600 paintings from the ages of 70 to 100. Isn’t that inspiring? I guess it’s never too late, is it?

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BE LIKE THE ROSE
I put a vase of roses in front of my daughter. She was very upset over a grade she got at school, and I could tell she was identifying with this grade, as if it had anything to do with her. I said, “Tell me some things about these roses.” She gave me some nice adjectives, told me, basically how beautiful they were. I said, “Okay, now I’m going to say some things about the roses. I think they’re ugly, I think they’re useless. There’s no point in having them here. There’s no purpose to them.” She looked at me with wide eyes. I looked back at her and said, “Have the roses changed? She smiled, and said, “No.”  I said,“You praised them. And I beat them down. But the roses didn’t change. Be like the rose. You’re already perfect. It doesn’t matter what anybody else says or thinks. Praise or criticism, it doesn’t matter. You’re already perfect. Like the rose.”

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HEALTH TRICK
Not feeling well, and nothing seems to help? Here’s a trick I learned several years ago when I was struggling with serious physical issues from toxic mold. State out loud all the things you love. BE HONEST – these are things you REALLY love. Say them over and over, until you feel the release of pain, tension, stress, or whatever it is that ales you. It was the only thing that brought me relief. I love the way my daughter tilts her head when she dances, I love contagious laughter, I love blue skies, I love chocolate….

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CRAZY ENERGY
Okay, you might think this is crazy, but I have a friend who sometimes fixes things just by turning them on and off. He told me that everything is energy (which I already believe) and energy has a memory – a pattern that it gives off when it’s working perfectly. You just have to remind the machine/energy of its original purpose. Remind it of when it worked perfectly. I tried it with my washing machine that was acting weird. The cycles weren’t running properly. I put my hand on it for10-15 seconds and said “thank you thank you thank you for running so well and making my life so much easier.” It was my interpretation of, you know, reminding it of its perfect purpose. Well, it took a couple of weeks, but it runs fine now. And that was over a year ago. Pretty cool huh? My van was also leaking oil. I told it thank you for being a perfect van every time I started it up. Guess what? It doesn’t leak oil any more. Think you can give it a try?

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GIFTS
You’ve been given a gift. How often have you heard that? Do you believe it? I like to think of our God-given talents like this: What if someone made you a beautiful quilt? They spent hours picking out just the right fabric, and piecing each square together while they were thinking about how this blanket will keep you warm and cozy. They poured their love into it. When they gave you the quilt, you were overwhelmed. You didn’t feel ike you deserved such a beautiful gift. And it was much too precious to use, so you wrapped it up carefully and put it in your closet. I think this is what we do with our gifts. Don’t you think it’s time to take your gift out of the closet?

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EGO
I was wondering if the music I was writing, which was stories about me and my life, was self -centered and EGO-driven. Then a friend of mine gave me some great advice. She said that EGO can stand for “Edging God Out”. So if something is separating you from others, or from your connection to your source, then it’s “Edging God Out”, that’s EGO-driven. So I put it to the test. Was my music helping me feel connected, or separated? Connected. Definitely. If I were to say something like, “I’m a failure”, or “I can’t do this”, that feels very isolating so THAT must be EGO. Get it?

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